Drag Race RuCap - RuPaul Roast

 

Aja has just left us. And that makes Sasha sad because her Brooklyn sister is gone. Alexis is happy because the group is thinning out and she thinks that she's going to win.

Trinity wants to point out that she has 2 wins and Shea only has 1 1/2 wins (because she split one with Sasha).  But Shea reads Trinity by simply stating that Trinity had to lip sync for her life already and Shea hasn't even ended up in the bottom 3 yet.  PREACH!!!  Trinity response...

Peppermint sadly admits in the confessional that she wants a win now too.  Awwww, poor thing.  It is revealed that the judges still think Valentina is perfect (and she looks like Linda Evangelista...and she's a model...and all she has to do is smile).  OK...I added all that, but one of them did say that she was perfect last week.

Farrah whines that not everyone can be on top and that's just the way the cookie crumbles.  To which Sasha calls her Jon Benet Ramsey (pure brilliance).

Peppermint and Farrah as the last 2 queens left without a win.  And Trinity has something to say about that, "their days are numbered...bye-bye...no cab ride for you."  She's such a shady bitch in the confessionals.  I wish that she would just be that bitchy around the other girls...a little more than she is.

Speaking of shade, Ru walks in with a fancy pair of sunglasses because it's time for the library to be open.  WHY????

Yes...it is time for the reading mini-challenge.  I'm so glad they didn't cut this one out.  This is only our 2nd mini-challenge of the season.  And I have missed them.  They are just silly fun.

Sasha is up first.  Her read for Shea was about Shea's fashion being from "Coming to America" and her smile being from "Jurrasic Park."

Peppermint does some reading, but I didn't write down anything about it.  Because it wasn't that great.  But apparently she's happy about something.

Alexis is next and she says something about Farrah having johns that buy her shoes...and because she couldn't resist, she goes after Shea winning the challenge that she thought she would win and accuses Shea of "chewing up the furniture" and that's why her teef (her spelling) are so jacked.  She's still bitter.

Trinity decides to read on Valentina even though she doesn't consider her a threat (that's from last week's Untucked).  She said that Valentina's wardrobe looked "expensive" but money can't by talent.  Then she went after Farrah for having her social media game on point (PS...Farrah has the most Instagram followers of all the queens) but warns her that you can't filter in a personality.

Shea went for Peppermint first.  She reminded us all that Pepp assassinated Cucu on the runway, but wonders why she needed to practice her assassin skills on her wardrobe.  Then she went for Nina's future biography, "50 Shades of Ashy."

Valentina went after the most people (or at least that's what they aired).  But she was quick about it...and I loved it.  Sometimes simple is all it takes.  She called Alexis very Broadway, but really just broad (in the shoulders).  Then she called Trinity and ugly stripper (watch Untucked to see what she really meant to say...and get Nina's response to it).  She told Shea to use some deoderant.  And her best line, "Peppermint...you need one."

Nina is up and I am ready for some crazy shit from her.  She compares Sasha and Ru...bald, glasses, money.  Except that Sasha don't have Ru's coins.  OK, not a great start.  Then she went for Alexis and used the BMW line (body made wrong).  So I was let down.

Look back and you will see that Latrice Royale used that line during her reading session.

Farrah is last and I don't really expect anything from her.  She went after Valentina first, stating that Valentina thinks she's Miss Venezuela (side note, she was Miss Colombia, not Miss Venezuela...but Miss Venezuela usually does win Miss Universe so I get the confusion), but Farrah calls her Miss Quincenera.  I don't really think that's a bad read.  I would be fine with being Miss Quincenera.

 

Then she goes after Alexis...and this was funny.  "Pillsbury called.  They want their roles back.  AMAZING!!  I don't consider this stealing a joke because Farrah said, "rolls back" not "back rolls."  It's a subtle difference that I approve of.  Know your herstory, gurls!!   But Alexis was not amused.

Valentina wins the challenge, and I agree with that.  She was the funniest queen with the simplest reads.  It all worked for her.  She wins a 4-night stay at some hotel in Palm Springs.  And she gets to pick the order for the max-challenge, the RuPaul Roast, where they will be roasting Michelle Visage this year.  And no one is more excited than Michelle.

Just kidding, she's actually very excited about it.

Time to put these ladies in order for the roast.  Alexis offers to go either first or last because she knows that those are the hardest places.  Really, she knows that those places are the most memorable and if she can't steal the spotlight than she doesn't want to play.  If I were Valentina I would have put her smack in the middle after someone that I thought was going to be super funny.  But instead the line-up is as follows:  Shea, Sasha, Valentina, Trinity, Farrah, Peppermint, Nina and Alexis.  That's a decent line-up...and Valentina put herself in the middle to hide herself.  She was early enough on that if she was bad, she could be forgotten.  Very smart.

Alexis takes this moment to express her discontent with the other girls who read her for her size.  She is pissed about it.  Girl, get over it.  As a big girl, no one wants to be told they are fat.  But guess what??  It was a reading challenge.  They gotta use whatever they can.  You basically called Farrah a hooker (and it wasn't even in a funny way).  At least Farrah's Pillsbury joke was hilarious.  And you only went after Shea's chewing the furniture because she beat you in the Kardashian challenge and the 90210HO challenge.  Again, I say, get over it.

I do appreciate that she if finally showing her true side.  She has been trying to play the game as the shit-stirrer and then walking away from it.  Now she is just being the bitch that we all knew was in there.

Meanwhile, no one in the work room is doing anything.  I was really worried about this challenge because none of them are especially funny.  I mean, we lost this season's comedy queen, Cucu.  So who's going to really succeed at this?  There was nothing but crickets happening...and Valentina praying.

Ru comes into the workroom...with Ross.  This is his very first visit to the workroom.  And as far as I'm concerned, he can come by every week.  I adore him.

First up, we visit with Alexis, who is still mad about being body-shamed.  She tells them that has always had body image issues...and that her sisters in the competition know that.  But Ru puts her in her place by stating, "so it's OK for you to make fun of the other girls, but they can't make fun of you."  Alexis comes back with some more crap and that's the end of that.  She claims to do comedy in her weekly show (at Boots and Saddle on Wednesday from 10:00 pm - midnight for anyone interested).  As someone who has been to her show twice, it wasn't funny.  It was mildly entertaining, but definitely not funny.  It's also brought up that she volunteered to go last.  Alexis corrects that with "I wanted to open the show, but I'm happy to close it out too."

Farrah gets a visit next.  She reveals that she doesn't want to hurt people.  But Ru reminds her that this is a roast and that you have to come for it....and make them laugh.

Peppermint is scared to roast anyone, especially Michelle.  But she really wants a win in the competition.  She admitted that she seems to be having a problem crossing the finish line in the challenges so far.

Ru points out that Sasha is very smart and intellectual.  But now she wants to know how Sasha will use that in the challenge.  Sasha thinks she is funny in her shows, but it's a different kind of funny (serious and analytical with philosophy and politics).  WOW...that sounds hysterical!!  Ru asks if she has anything written down so far...and this is what we get:  "Mutton disguised as lamb."  Which is actually really funny if you get the joke...and totally apropo for Michelle.  Ru's final words, "Roast 'em good."

After Ru leaves, Nina walks over to Sasha to ask her what that joke meant.  Sasha explains that mutton is old and lamb is young, so it's when someone old wears clothes that are too young for their age.  Poor Nina, I think she still didn't get it.

At this week's mirror moment, Alexis "apologizes" to Farrah for calling her a prostitute.  Then Farrah apologizes for bringing up Alexis' rolls (both then and now).  And because Alexis is so genuine, she goes back to saying that Farrah has johns.  That was quick.

Talk moves on to Russia.  Sasha lived there for 2 1/2 years.  And Peppermint was stopped in Moscow 8 months ago (which is really about 1 1/2 years ago from now) on a stop over flight.  She was presenting as a woman, but her ID was still a boy.  So she got detained and eventually had to remove her wig in order to get through.  Sasha told her that she couldn't really be Sasha Velour while she was there. She had to be very conscious of how she dressed and even how she moved.  She told us all that queer people in Russia really live in oppressive system.  We can all see that now with the killings in Chechnya happening currently.  Sasha really is my hero.

Onto the runway??  Not really.  There wasn't an official runway this week.  It was really just the challenge.  So I guess, onto The Roast.  Ru looks good.  The dress is good.  I didn't like all the random straps on it.  But I don't really have anything negative to say about the look.  However, I found this image that was captioned, Raven's Ruvenge...and it explains the wig line a little bit.

This week's special guest judges are Fortune Feamster (who I don't know) and Tamar Braxton (who I don't care about).

Shea started the roast off well.  She was funny and competent in her opening of the show.  She certainly did her job.  No complaints, except that she stole Nina's Jasmine Masters' wig for her look.

Sasha used her smarts to her advantage and made herself funny.  She started off going after Ross and Tamar...and then jumped into the Jersey jokes about Michelle.  First claiming that Michelle considers Lisa Lisa classical music.  Side note, Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam was the first concert I ever went to...it was a double-bill with Expose.  That's how old I am.  Anyway, Sasha has one Jersey joked that bombed (I didn't get it either) and she just played it off.

Everything Sasha did was right.  She couldn't have done anything better.  UNTIL...she introduced Valentina like this:  "Next is a queen who combines all the excitement of smiling with the thrill of just standing there."  Truly amazing and maybe the funniest thing she said on the stage.

Valentina made no sense.  But Ru seemed to laugh through the whole thing (or at least that's what the editors made us believe).  It was weird.  And Michelle even said she didn't get it when it was over.

Trinity stepped up in a bizarre costume/character that she never fully explained.  She read the entire thing from her cards.  It was terrible and not funny.  Her ending, "we all poop."  And Trinity just took a giant shit on the stage.

Remember when Farrah told us that she didn't want to come off as mean in her roast.  Well, maybe she has a different meaning of the word "mean."  Because her reads were just mean...and not at all funny.  It was just so bad.

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Peppermint stepped it up for this challenge.  She looked amazing and she was hilarious.  She certainly knew what she was doing out there.  She was prepared and hungry for that win.

Nina also chose to do a character, her great-auntie Mother Mabeline from some crazy named Southern Baptist Church.  It was funny, but weird.  She was doing her best.  It was great, but it was enough to be safe.

Alexis is closing out that show.  And the bitch is green.  She played it off as being green because Michelle hates the color green.  But it didn't work.  I think she just had this look from performing as Elphaba in NYC for "So You Think You Can Drag" (which she did win) and she brought it out because Michelle loves Broadway, but that she also hates green.  Either way, it didn't work for her.  And her tit pads are showing.  I'm not sure if we were supposed to think that was her bra, but it was clearly just the breast pads.  There was not a single laugh.  It was so bad.  Valentina summed it up for all of us, "This is NOT a happy ending!!"

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Nina and Valentina are sent back to Untucked safe.  Shea, Sasha and Peppermint are this week's tops...and Alexis, Farrah and Trinity are this week's bottoms.  I agree with all of this.  Onto Untucked...go watch it if you haven't.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kr5iWJksPQ

Nina and Valentina are sent back to Untucked first.  Next week will be especially fun if only 1 queen is sent back by herself.  That will make me very happy to see.  Nina thought that she would have been in the top this week.  And Valentina doesn't like she's just doing good enough to be safe...she wants to win the next challenge (those words are always used as foreshadowing).  On a scale of 1-10, Valentina thinks she was an 8 this week.  She is wrong.  She was maybe a 6.  Nina doesn't rate herself, but tells Valentina that she's bitter for not being in the top this week  And she admits that she will be very bitter if Shea wins again this week.  Then they just talked about Alexis taking offense to everything this week.  It was amazing.

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Everyone comes back.  And Alexis starts to complain already. She didn't think it was fair that the judges said the bottom 3 didn't have any funny jokes.  Well, they didn't.

Alexis then blames her failure on the fact that her cards were out of order.  She didn't accuse anyone of messing with her cards directly, but it certainly couldn't have been her own fault.  And now Alexis wants to go listen to the song.  If I was Farrah, I would have made a huge stink about this.  Remember a couple weeks ago when Alexis wouldn't let Farrah go practice because she needed to complain that the girls weren't helping her??  This was Farrah's chance for some Ruvenge.  But she didn't take it.  She simply accepted responsibility for screwing up in the challenge.  Farrah certainly came off as the bigger person here.

Sasha surmised that based on the judges comments, it would be an Elphaba/Glinda lip sync...and we all kind of knew that too.  But this picture proves is.  They really should have been lip syncing to some Wicked songs.

Then Shea said exactly what I was thinking about there only being 1 queen that is safe next week and in Untucked by themselves drinking.  If it were me, I would take the opportunity to put on a show for the world to see.  It's your stage, use it.  You know, Alexis will if it's her.

Out of nowhere, Nina says that she thinks everyone is against her.  Basically, that no one thinks she's original...especially Shea.  WHAT??  Girl, I know you are bonkers, but what is this about?  And what are the producers not showing us?  Because of all the people, it seems like Shea is your biggest cheerleader right now (except for RuPaul, who adores Nina).  This did not sit well with Miss Shea.  Bitch went off!!  And rightfully so.  Meanwhile, Trinity just sat there enjoying every moment of it.  I wouldn't be surprised if Trinity told Nina that Shea was talking shit about her to get it going...or Alexis.  I don't know where this all came from, but Nina has got to watch out what she says.  She doesn't have many friends there; she can't afford to lose the one's she has left.  But maybe she works best in total isolation from people.

Alexis admits that she doesn't feel safe.  And she shouldn't because Farrah seems to always get by.  But she's going to prove herself to be a natural performer because she is "going all the way."  Good luck.

Farrah seems to just be realizing that she's never been in the top (and obviously never won) and that she seems to often be in the bottom (although this is only her 2nd time lip syncing).  But she just has to "do the damn thing."

It's kind of interesting that Farrah and Alexis are currently on tour together in Europe.  Here's the latest Instagram post of the 2 of them.  Alexis loves this dress.  She performed in it at Boots and Saddles one night when I saw her.  I wish I could see her feet, because the boots she wore with that dress were awful and I just want to see if she has updated the look at all.

Back to the real show.  Miss Peppermint is finally crowned the winner...of the episode, not the whole thing.  And she is ecstatic.  Good for her.  She deserved it.  She was funny...and she looked good.  She won a 5-year membership to Squarespace, with a consultation to set up her webpage and store.  That's a pretty sweet prize.  WERK QWEEN!!!

Sasha, Shea and Trinity as all safe.  Which leaves Farrah and Alexis to lip sync for their lives, as well all pretty much knew.  They are singing to Dolly Parton's "Baby I'm Burning."  This is the first time a Dolly song has been used and I find that shocking.  And I have to admit, it's a Dolly song that I don't know.  But it was a fun song.  Get ready gurls...

I thought Farrah did just as good as Alexis on this lip sync.  I was surprised that she kept up with Alexis.  Or maybe Alexis didn't think she needed to do too much to take Farrah out.  But Farrah knew all the words.  She did some little dances.  Then Alexis did this sliding split that looked really awkward to me.  And she pulled out a little wicked witch hat from her underpants.  Weird.  But it was enough to take Farrah out, who kind of overstayed her welcome on the show.  This was Alexis' 8th time auditioning...and it was Farrah's 1st time auditioning.  Farrah wasn't ready for the show. She even admitted that she didn't think she would get picked this season, but applied to get her name out there...and then she would be ready for season 10.  OOPS!!! 

FARRAH'S EXIT

Farrah didn't think it was her time to go, but I feel like all the queens say that now.  But she's right.  Her time to go was 3 weeks ago when she and Cucu had the worst lip sync ever, but Eureka saved them both.  She is proud of how far she made it.  And she realized that she's awkward and timid and that she has a lot to learn about herself.  She decided to keep her make-up on for the ride "home" (back to the hotel for sequestering).  Everyone left her a note, except one person.  AND WE DON'T GET TO KNOW WHO IT WAS!!!  I'm dying.  Do we think it was Alexis?  Nina?  Trinity?  Notice how I picked all the nasty queens?  I guess we will never know unless she reveals it at the reunion (if they have one).  She then showed us what her finale outfit was, a gorgeous red Britney Spears' latex body suit that she has to lube her whole body up to get into...now dwell on that image for a while.  Bye Farrah...you are beautiful, but boring.

Next week is the week.  I have been waiting for this since I heard there was going to be a Club Kid Runway.  And it looks like I don't have to wait much longer...YAY!!

 
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NYC's In Support Of Pops in L.A.

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